My Thoughts on Life

This page is mostly monologue, intended for those of you who both really care about how I view the world and what in it I hold dear without knowing all of the details already. Some of you may know my innermost secrets already, so if you do, feel free to skip this section. However, as an extra bonus, I have added a few pictures of my travels to Bosnia. While this technically falls under my lieutenant years, going there and seeing that country and its fundamental differences with the United States served to open my eyes wider than ever before and it has forced me not to take my blessings for granted any longer. Thus this first section will be basically a slideshow, with the implications of that experience interwoven throughout the monologue below.

This first picture is of Nick and I in Croatia on Thanksgiving Day 1999. We had turkey on the bus from Hungary to Bosnia, but it was in the form of frozen Jimmy Dean sandwiches while a horribly Hungarian-dubbed movie played on the bus VCR. At least the driver understood it, though he didn't speak english. One thing about the part of Bosnia that I hung out in- it snowed almost as much as it did when I went to MTU. Actually, Nick graduated from MTU, so he was used to it, but I forgot about the concept of having to force my room door open because two feet of snow fell during one night.

This is a picture of me on a strategic hill overlooking Tuzla. Tuzla was a muslim stronghold during the Bosnian civil war, and it pretty much still is. It has about 150,000 people or so that live there. I tried to interact with the local population by learning a few phrases in Hrvatsky, the native language of Bosnians. When we went downtown, we spotted some artillery craters that they had patched up with concrete and stucco. There were lots of holes in civilian homes all over the place, which certainly tells me that the Serbians fired at anything they wanted to, not just the military targets. Very disturbing.

I actually got a good opportunity to travel around the country in the first couple of weeks that I spent there. I don't consider my Bosnia experience as one particularly rewarding professionally, but my boss took me out on trips whenever possible, so getting 'Outside the Wire' made up for much of that and served as the salve to open my eyes to the world. The next few pictures basically show what I saw when I traveled around the countryside.

Perhaps the most powerful photo that I have highlights some of the destruction that ravaged that country and still shows today. The Bosnian Muslims and Serbians are today completely segregated according to the Dayton Accords. There is a Zone of Separation that snakes through the entire country and keeps the groups apart. Inside this ZOS are villages and settlements that even today are completely destroyed. The inhabitants are either moved away as refugees or, more likely, died. Just imagine someone you know shooting at you and your family, killing your mother, cousin, neighbors, and driving away everything you hold dear simply because you worship differently. The Bosnians have had time to rebuild much of their country, but can you imagine an entire nation looking like the photo below?

Hope definitely became forlorn for these people in their misery and subjugation to evil oppression and death. The strife tore wounds slow to heal in the breast of many people who I can assure you will not soon forget who caused this senseless pain and act upon it at the first available opportunity.

The next two pictures are of the Russian headquarters and the Christian Orthodox church that I visited in Tuzla. In the church, notice the very intricate architecture and exquisite paintwork. This building looked unscathed from the war to me. You can't see it here, but as soon as you walk through the gates to the church, the alphabet changes from the Croatian (Roman) alphabet to the Serbian (Cyrillic) alphabet. The words are much the same but spelled very differently. My boss liked having me along because I could read both alphabets and we could usually figure out where we were headed. The Russians weren't exactly friendly to me, but I did get a cool picture in front of their unit placard. I kept trying to use my Russki Yazeek on them boys but I couldn't ever make eye contact. Wild. They were probably too busy grabbing all the food that they could out of the mess hall.

I have a lot of very strong opinions on the right way to live life, and this inevitably boils over into personal perceptions on our society and its inherent problems, as well as solutions to those problems. Much of this pattern of existence that I believe in stems from my upbringing at home as well as from my moral training at West Point and now in the army. The credo of 'Do the Right Thing' never really gets old or loses its nobility, though it may occasionally go out of style. I try to operate on the Golden Rule at all times, because I certainly wish others to treat me with dignity and respect, so I owe that to them at the minimum.

However, treating others with dignity and respect will never really earn me much wisdom or worldly maturity. I realized this in excess of several years ago and decided to embark on a comprehensive campaign of self-improvement. Perhaps embarking on this long trail is a cause for my consistent self-immolation, due to the realization that I am weak-minded and weak-spirited in comparison with so many of my friends and teachers. While my intellect is relatively sound, I feel compelled to improve myself in practical ways consistent with my beliefs. As such, in March 1998, I began a self-implemented program to improve myself mentally, physically, and spiritually. It dawned upon me that my profession did not properly sustain intellectual development beyond the occasional problem solving session. So I decided to read some classic literature, based primarily on whether or not I had ever heard of it before. That may seem relatively vapid, but I have stuck with it so far and have read many books of classic literature, as well as my professional books and other fun ones. That may not seem like much over the course of two years, but some of them are over 1,000 pages, so I don't feel too bad about my own pace.

I consider this reading as a vehicle to improve myself intellectually, and I couple it with (attempted) regular physical exercise. That tends to shift from regular to irregular based upon my deployment status and job description, but I still try. I also take time most days to study the bible and take courage and strength from it's truth. This will in time hopefully shore up the pronounced spiritual deficit that I feel festering in my own breast. In this endeavour I rely upon God's grace to assist me, since my own motivation waxes and wanes as the moon. I tie these axes together using my journal, which I began as a method to record my thoughts and ideas as a young man and to catalog and review later in life to document my progress in these enterprises.

It may sound lame to you that I do these things, but I find them necessary to maintain a balance in my life that satisfies me. I don't yet have my own family to protect and serve, so I spend much of my free time in pursuing my Mission. By the way, I do have time to watch television, but it is usually just a few shows a week and hockey (especially if it is the Red Wings).

Where does all of this weird self-aggrandizement lead? What ends has it achieved for me? Beyond that which I have already stated, I tend to look at the world with a 'politically conservative' spin. I believe that people should take responsibility for their actions, even the first time they make a mistake, no matter the circumstances.

Also, the government is too big, but it certainly does not wish to 'get' any one person or group of people in particular. That went out of style in the 1960s. However, I do think that the moral foundations upon which our government was founded have since morphed from one created to foster proper spiritual growth for people within the governed to one that specifically forbids the governmental encouragement of said growth. There is a fine difference between those viewpoints, and I think we have it wrong. But then again, how can you really take me seriously when I am sticking my tongue out at you on my frame page to the left?

Philosophically I think many people find it uncomfortable that humanity may be predestined and that God knew how you were going to turn out when he created the universe. Some don't want to think they they have been chosen to suffer without a real opportunity otherwise. I think of it this way- unless you know that your name is not written in the book of life, why wouldn't you assume that it is? I need to qualify this statement (thanks Mark). Although strict determinism maintains that God figured out whether you are headed to heaven or hell before you were even born, (else He would not be omniscient and therefore subject to the rules of chance, hence NOT all powerful) we as fallible people cannot determine what our destination may be with certainty. It is beyond our comprehension. Therefore, although God has already made a decision regarding your life, you don't know that it has or hasn't been a happy one for you. In the name of basic Christianity, why not prove to God that you are eager to prove Him right (in saving your life) and live in happiness and contentment in His name and for His glory. You might have to read that one again, because I did just writing it. I can probably explain it better if you wish. A big sorry to all of my more intelligent and savvy teachers out there, but I think that moral relativism is also crap. There IS a right and a wrong in our world, and if you can't figure it out, you need to slow down and do some research in the book that was inspired and ordained by the God that over 90% of Americans believe exist.

I probably won't go into my thoughts on the economy, and I am sure that my old roommate Dave is breathing a sigh of relief since I have just pummeled his degrees with childish and inflammatory arguments. I have also probably alienated most of my audience, but I can't help believing what I do. Please at least respect me for that. I just think that life is not as complicated as we make it if we decide to live basic lives with solid truths upon solid foundations. I don't think that anyone will argue with you if you said that the world and its inhabitants can get more complex and difficult to grasp the harder we probe. There is no absolute truth that I can fully comprehend, be it religious, scientific, political, or anything else. The key is to accept that most things are beyond total understanding and to focus on a few that you enjoy learning about.

Never fear, you have reached the end of my thought process. It is pretty shallow, but I am growing! My links to better things are all that is left. Thanks for spending time with me. It proves that I am worth something to you.

Bowling take me away from this horrible web site!
Back to my main page. On to my links page.